God, I needed you…

I toiled day and night with hopes that you’ll notice, appreciate and crown the efforts I made with success.

Well, here it is. I failed, again, and this time it’s heart breaking.

What am I not getting right? God I’m mad, I’m really mad…at you. And I can’t stay mad because the Reverend at Church says we can’t stay mad at you. The thought of staying mad at you is frightening because the Reverend again, says you send bolts of disaster to all who do…

I guess you sent mine just in time then.

My brother, the little one I looked after while he slept in swaddling clothes is all grown up now. He was recently accepted to a State University somewhere in the East of the Country.

Little brother calls you friend…

And when he says that it irritates me because I couldn’t imagine him calling you, the big powerful God all mighty…friend. Has he been brainwashed by the “halleluj-ing Christians?” hmm… this boy.

The things he says about you seems one kind. I watch him study the bible and sometimes, the way he screams ‘hallelujah!’ Just unnerves me!

But little brother is the only one that knows what’s up with me. My pride doesn’t allow me speak to other siblings about this.

Little brother tells me that I failed, not because God wasn’t with me, neither was it because he was displeased with me.

He calls it the “process”.

He says it’s part of the journey towards becoming the one that God made us to be.

He goes on to throw some scriptures at me that tells me how God has it all in control.

Surprisingly, it’s comforting sort of what he says.

God…Friend, I know you know what’s up about this, and from what little brother says, I trust you. I trust you, and I’ll keep keeping on in unwavering faith.